


The violets in the mountains have broken the rocks

by Ingi



Category: My Little Pony, Shrek (Movies), Tangled (2010)
Genre: Apologies to the Wranglers, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Miguel and Tulio (Road to El Dorado) are Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider's Parents, Minor Cinderella/Fiona/Sleeping Beauty/Snow White (Shrek), Minor Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel, Multi, Polyamory, Romance, Slash: Romance Without Boundaries, Wranglers Are Not Adult Supervision
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 14:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11292258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingi/pseuds/Ingi
Summary: Shrek has two weaknesses: headstrong princesses and talking animals.Just not the ones everyone has come to expect.





	The violets in the mountains have broken the rocks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nrandom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nrandom/gifts).



> For the record, I didn't mean to write this _at all_.  
>  This monster was born out of horrifying tags, an offer of cookies to take to Satan ( _without_ raisins, thank you very much), and a joke that turned into a dare that turned into... _this_.  
>  I'd like to personally thank Nrandom for securing my place in Hell.

"So Rain," Rapunzel says, because she thinks it's _funny_ , with the whole weather control stuff and all. "How was your home called, again?"

"Ponyville," Rainbow Dash replies, from the side of her mouth, while she munches on an apple.

"Ponyville's citizens are _pegasus_ ," Shrek deadpans.

It always falls to him to be the voice of reason, which- it's not _okay_ at all. He _doesn't_ want to be the voice of reason. He doesn't even want to be here, with these- people. Pegasus. Whatever. Why is it always a _princess_? And a weird talking animal? He keeps getting stuck with those. Maybe it's something in his breath.

He checks, discreetly. Or maybe not, because Rapunzel's mouth falls open. Well. Not his breath, anyway. He reaches out and gently puts her jaw back in its rightful place.

"It's for inclusivity," Rainbow Dash explains, unfazed.

"Inclusivity of who? You're _all_ pegasus!"

 _Pegasus_? _Pegasi_? _Pegasues_? Who cares. Either way, Shrek is beginning to understand that he's the only sane one here.

"Oh, I know!" Rapunzel suddenly blurts out. She has a worse attention span than _Donkey_. "Let's make flower crowns!"

Rainbow Dash raises her head slowly. She and Shrek exchange a gaze of desbelief and resignation, but ultimately, she's less hell-bent against corny stuff than Shrek is, which is not that surprising; he _is_ the master at that.

Rapunzel shoots up and starts eagerly gathering flowers around them, humming under her breath. And maybe Shrek is not a big fan of princess-y singing, or singing in general, but there's something- _not so terrible_ about Rapunzel's clear voice rhapsodizing over joy and the bright morning and how furry and cute the animals in the clearing are. The same happens with Fiona, Shrek realizes. He apparently has _terrible_ taste.

"Do _you_ sing?" he asks Rainbow Dash, gruff.

She gives him the side-eye.

"Dude. Do I _look_ like I sing?"

"You _literally_ shoot rainbows out of your ass," Shrek reminds her. "And there's the whole cutesy tattoo you've got there-"

"It's called cutie mark!" she hisses. "It means I'm fast and awesome enough to do the sonic rainboom, which is, for your information, a super hard aerobatic maneuver!"

"That doesn't mean you don't sing. In fact, in my book, it only ups the possibilities." Shrek groans. Rapunzel has found a patch full of pink peonies, of all the things. He determinedly turns back to Rainbow Dash and tries not to knock his head against the ground until he passes out. "Have you ever met Fiona's- how does she even call those girls? Co-partners?" Shrek scratches his head.

"I think the word you're looking for here is _girlfriends_ ," Rainbow Dash offers, raising a brow. That, too, is strangely reminiscent of Donkey.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, but that's not the word. Anyway. Those air-headed fragile princesses kick ass like you wouldn't imagine. I've seen Meredith knocking out twenty guards at once by singing until their ears started bleeding."

" _Meredith_?" Rapunzel suddenly sing-songs, slidding down to the ground between them. Her lap is so full of flowers it's a miracle there are any left in the clearing. "What do you mean, _Meredith_?"

She grins at him with that particular light in her eyes that means _gotcha_. Shrek can almost _hear_ the smugness.

"Snow White," he explains, grinding his teeth. "Fiona makes me call them by their names. I didn't even know they _had_ names! Doesn't that wreck their public image? They have all these romantic nicknames for marketing like Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella — _hah_ , try Average Narcoleptic and Mrs Clean— and then someone goes and calls them _Cheri_ and _Amy_. Kind of breaks the spell, doesn't it?" He wriggles his fingers. "Literally."

"You're _so_ whipped," Rainbow Dash says, amused.

"He's just being nice!" Rapunzel interrupts immediately.

"No. No, no, _no_. I'm not _nice_ -"

"Whipped, I say."

"It's rude to just call people by their stage names! Especially if those people are your girlfriend's girlfriends!"

"It's not being _nice_ , it's self-preservation! Have you met Fiona? Nobody wants _Fiona_ to be angry at them!"

There's a brief moment of silence, during which Shrek hopes they're all considering the truth in that statement.

"Fiona is _wonderful_ ," Rapunzel says, fiercely.

"Says the woman who once knocked her fiancé out with a frying pan," Shrek mutters under his breath. "No wonder."

"It wasn't once, it was several times, and he had it coming!" Rapunzel replies, indignant, because of course she heard.

Rainbow Dash does know that story, so she shakes her head and taps Rapunzel's arm.

"Flower crowns," she reminds her, wincing in Shrek's direction.

Shrek can't help but think that she looks pleased, anyway, when Rapunzel puts a handful of flowers in front of her so she can help make what will quickly become the bane of Shrek's existance, second only to these two themselves and possibly Donkey. And why won't he stop thinking about _Donkey_? That's the least he needs right now!

"And where's loverboy?" he asks, clearing his throat. It sounds like someone's shooting pellets right beside their ears. Rapunzel grimaces, but Rainbow Dash starts cackling the way she does when she'll be out of comission for at least ten minutes. "Did ya' leave him at home?"

"Oh, not exactly," she hums, as she weaves the flowers together. "Eugene's parents are visiting. I just didn't want to get in the way."

"Wasn't he an orphan?" Rainbow Dash manages to wheeze out. "Or was that what he told you to get under your skirt?"

"Eugene is not like that!" Rapunzel replies, glaring at her. Her gaze meets Shrek, who very slowly raises his brows. "He couldn't be like that if he _tried_ ," she admits, in-between bursts of hysterical laughter.

Shrek sighs deeply.

"That sure sounds like a story you're going to tell. Whether we want it or not."

"Later," Rapunzel promises. "I wish I could've stayed. Miguel and Tulio seemed so nice! Did you know we had their Wanted posters all over the kingdom for at least a year?"

"Man, they're going to get along _so_ well with your parents," Rainbow Dash mutters.

"I'm sure they've got loads of interesting tales to tell!" Rapunzel says cheerily. "And Eugene looked so happy!"

Sometimes, Shrek can't tell whether she actually doesn't get sarcasm or she's just really good at ignoring what she doesn't want to hear. Either of the options is equally impressive, he supposes.

Rapunzel beams and settles a finished flower crown on Rainbow Dash's head, then examines her for a few seconds and claps excitedly, making a wordless sound of approval.

"Very- pretty," Shrek says, after Rainbow Dash directs her pleading eyes at him.

She preens a little, if Shrek's sight is not deceiving him, and offers Rapunzel the flower crown she made before she lays her hooves on Rapunzel's shoulders, allowing her to hug her, which is completely _unheard of_. Rainbow Dash is not cuddly, she does not like hugs, and she most definitely would never consent to wearing anything even vaguely feminine or _soft_. And yet here they are! No matter how many times Rapunzel assures them her only magic is the healing one, Shrek will _never_ believe her.

There's no other explanation for why, when she stands up on her tip-toes to lay the remaining flower crown on _his_ head, Shrek sits still and _lets her_.

"Very pretty," Rainbow Dash imitates, grinning.

The worst part is she sounds _sincere_ , and Rapunzel is staring at him with puppy eyes, and _no_ , this is the line, Shrek won't stand for _this_ -

Shrek stands for it, and barely even grumbles when Rapunzel throws herself into his arms, and doesn't say a word when Rainbow Dash sneaks into what he's categorically _refusing_ to call a hug. And then he stretches out a hand and rips out two of the few flowers that have survived Rapunzel's flower crown frenzy, and settles one of them behind Rapunzel's ear and the other in Rainbow Dash's hair, and pretends to be surprised by their appearance when they notice.

They're both grinning up at him, and Shrek suddenly finds himself thinking- maybe he doesn't have such a terrible taste after all.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I did way too much research for this.  
> And I also... kind of ship this pairing now? Wtf, me. (AHHH and Miguel and Tulio being Flynn's parents is the best theory ever and I want to thank not only god but also jesus for it.)


End file.
